Being Significant

I decided to write this article because I'm sick and tired of always pursuing the elusive 'American Dream' only to find an empty feeling of achievement at the end of the chase. Many of us spend the vast majority of our time seeking material riches and, as such, make many mistakes along life's journey. Even though we all agree we can't take it with us we keep killing ourselves trying to get it (no pun intended).

I have spent much of my career as a Human Resources executive coaching and counseling others on the best course to take to maximize their careers or their performance in a particular job. I rarely failed to feel after most of those sessions as if had only shared half of the story.

Sure, I was pretty good at what I did 'technically speaking'. Most of the time I gave really good advice and I even shared the latest process or tool or technique to maximize results! (At least I thought I did.) I received a lot of recognition over the years for being a wise counselor. But...I didn't give them "...the rest of the story..." as Paul Harvey used to say.

We spent most of our time talking about a person's dreams for success in career and material terms when, in fact, we should have been exploring what it takes to be significant. Tom Brokaw the great television news icon once said, "It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference." I couldn't agree more. I've learned my lessons over the years and I can tell you that if I had to do it all again I would have the courage to leave the comfort of the herd in terms of sticking to the same old safe advice and give my clients the best guidance.

There are two enduring principles in life to remember...especially when thinking about success. First, you have the right to choose your path to success, whatever it is. Secondly, you change your life when you change your mind. So then, all real success starts with choosing where you want to go in life (or even if you want to) and its all about your mindset. Some people say it's your attitude that makes all the difference. The Bible states it even more clearly; "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."

The real path to success in this life is to become 'significant'. What is 'significance'? How is it different from 'success'? How do significant people behave anyway? Well, I'm glad you asked!

Significance defined is...the quality of having meaning. The quality of being important, being relevant or 'special'. Being significant means living your life in such a way as to really make an enduring impact on people, places, or things. It means that the world is a much better place because you were here.

Notice I didn't say that the world is a better place because you made a lot of money, drove the finest cars, lived in the best neighborhoods, wore the best clothes, or had the nicest watch! You might meet a lot of folks' definition of success but there is a big something that's missing. That said you can't be significant unless certain things happen.

First things first...we can't allow ourselves to be imprisoned by our unforgiveness. In my personal and professional lives I have seen people live out entire careers and go to their graves mean, bitter, nasty, and unfulfilled because they chose to withhold their forgiveness.

The fact is that we're destroying our own destiny for greatness because we choose to be stuck in unforgiveness. One of my favorite writers (and speakers) Jim Stovall was quoted to say, "We are not punished for our unforgiveness...we are punished by it." We punish ourselves instead of the other person when we don't forgive and in the process never reach our personal pinnacle of achievement.

We all know someone who is a real SOB who seems to have the Midas touch when it comes to accumulating material things. We tend to scratch our head and wonder if someone has God held hostage (after all, this is the ONLY plausible explanation for the bastard being as successful as he is.) However, my guarantee is that this person isn't even close to being complete or fulfilled in his life. These are some of the most miserable folks on the planet! This isn't how 'significant' people behave and these aren't the results of a significant life.

How do significant people behave? They show Unconditional Love regardless of the situation or venue. This Unconditional Love is modeled whether at home, church, work, or the gym. They know the difference between ability, motivation, and attitude. "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." (Raymond Chandler) A story I heard recently illustrates the point quite well.

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. A nurse took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. She saw him looking at his watch and decided, since she was not busy with another patient, she would evaluate his wound.

On examination, it was well healed, so she talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, she asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told her no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. She inquired as to his wife's health. He told her that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's. As they talked, the nurse asked if the wife would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and that she had not recognized him in five years now. Surprised, the nurse asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted her hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

That is the kind of impact we all want in our lives. True love is about being significant and is neither physical, nor romantic. Being significant is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. The happiest people...significant people...don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I want to leave you with a great poem about making the best of everything we have. That's when we find true success. That's when we become significant.

Be The Best of Whatever You Are

"If you can't be a tree at the top of the hill be shrub in the valley but be,

The best little tree on the side of the hill, be a bush if you can't be a tree!

We can't all be captains some have to be crew, there is plenty of work for us here.

There is big work to do and lesser work to do, and the work for US to do is near.

If you can't be a highway then just be a trail, if you can't be the sun be a star.

It isn't by size that you win or you fail, be the best of whatever you are!"

Author Unknown

Here's to YOUR success...oops, I mean your 'significance' journey. There are others who are waiting on you to impact their lives and your destiny.